Unwanted children. What if no one was waiting for you ?!

If you prove to everyone, and all the time, that you are worth something, that you are worthy and deserve more, if you have problems with excess weight, because you want to be “weighty” = visible to everyone, if you occasionally think about meaninglessness of your life on earth, and after them reflections on suicide, as well as when you contact the psychotherapist for the MMPI test, you have a high rate of catastrophisation, followed by excessive demands on yourself and others (perfectionism), you can say from almost 100% sure that in You are an unwanted child in the family. Your mother got pregnant by pursuing some goal (for example, so that your dad married her), or simply “flew” and repeatedly thought about an abortion, until someone from her loved ones stopped her (or maybe it was too late to have an abortion ).


Often, people with similar symptoms (let's call it that) have a sad expression, they often get depressed,they have difficult relationships with their parents, from whom they all the time unconsciously demand love, as adults, and it’s always not enough for them; from other people, it is easy enough to knock them off the intended path simply by questioning their significance or the quality of what they are doing or saying.


What to do if you recognize yourself in this description ?!


First, you must accept the fact that the love that was not received from the parents can not be received in the present anyway. There are many reasons for this: you are stuck in childhood, in a very distant and deep past, and you want that same love (love between parents and, for example, a 6-year-old child). But that love is no longer there, because you grew up and your parents grew old. And most likely they will never admit that they didn’t like you once. Just the opposite - they will say the exact opposite. In short, you should not look back at being in the present. Better look forward to the future.


Secondly, you need to raise your inner child.Remember that according to Bern in each person there are three states of personality: Parent, Adult and Child. At each single moment of time we fall into one of these states (the one that is most convenient for us at a given minute). Accordingly, every time when someone doubts us or loves us insufficiently (as it seems to us), we fall into the offended and angry at all the Child. The condition of the Child, as well as the condition of the Parent, is not healthy. It is difficult for a child to cope with life difficulties, he constantly has to resort to outside help. While the Adult is able to rationally perceive criticism from others, as well as evaluate the “legitimacy” of statements in his address and stand up for himself.


Third, stop devaluing yourself for any reason (you do this every time someone doubts you). You are valuable, your life is the most valuable thing on this earth. You must have achieved some success. Take a look back and look at the facts. You finished school, college, got a job, learned a foreign language. You already have a reason to pride yourself.This is a lot, even if it seems to you that this is “about nothing” and “everyone has this.” Not everyone. Appreciate yourself, love yourself. If you do not love yourself, how will others love you ?!


Fourth, fight. You already know how to do it (when you went through an “unwanted pregnancy” and came into this world). Scramble up. A person has only two ways: up and down. To fall down, do not even strain, but up is not so easy to climb. Requires skill, willpower, patience and perseverance. And, in the end, you will always have time to drown, but “beat the butter out of sour cream with your paws” can only be chosen. Prove to the world and yourself first of all that you are such, you are the first contender for a place under the sun.



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