Should we love our mother?
However, over time, some children are asked the actual question: Should we love our mother? Such thoughts can arise in the head of an inquisitive child who will quickly find the answer to the dilemma, and in the mind of an angry kid, harboring a strong resentment against his own mother. An offspring who does not dare to admit to himself that he has no feelings for a mother turns to mathematics of family relations, putting positive and negative actions on a person on the scales.
The attitude of the child to the mother directly depends on the parenting method of upbringing. The establishment of mutual understanding or the overthrow of the authorities - the processes that take place in the period of the formation of the personality of the child
Common mental portraits of mothers
To find the answer to the urgent question, before making a fateful sentence, children are recommended to familiarize themselves with mental portraits of mothers:
- "Sleeping Beauty".
Signs: propensity to stressful conditions and depressions; lethargy; isolation; narcissism.
Behavior: such a mother does not take into account the needs of the child in relations with parents; upbringing is carried out for granted; she is partially or fully excluded from the process of growing up baby.
Signs: restraint in expressing feelings for the baby; rare manifestation of kindness and affection; obsessive need for relationships with children to educate and teach.
Behavior: a mother’s love a child must earn; the noise, pranks and tricks of the offspring are immediately stopped by moralizing.
- "The Snow Queen".
Signs: domineering voice and strict upbringing; manifestation of indifference to the interests of the baby.
Behavior: detachment from the personal development of the child; indifference to the successes and defeats of the young researcher; performing exclusively basic functions of the mother.
- "The hen."
Signs: Endless anxiety for the baby; participation in all spheres of life of the offspring.
Behavior: seeks to replace the child's peers and friends; in an attempt to prevent trouble controls every step of the young dreamer; wants to save the baby from their own mistakes.
Symptoms: resentment and capriciousness; personal interests exceed the needs of the child.
Behavior: a woman too early to become a mother, not matured; perceives children as a burden, exhibiting for others their own position from the "victim" of the current situation.
- "Serf Mistress".
Signs: rudeness and assault; addiction to violence; preaching in the family relations of the dictatorial regime.
Behavior: children must unquestioningly follow the mother’s instructions; the opinion of the child does not have any "weight" in this format of education; disobedience on the part of the baby is accompanied by irritability and physical punishment.
Signs: Mother's words and deeds invariably diverge; lack of self-confidence; inconsistency in action.
Behavior: the parent tries various methods in the educational process solely because of his own insolvency; a little prank on the part of the child becomes a real tragedy for the mother.
Children who ask such a question are not initially sure of the advisability of their own feelings towards their mother. In such situations, on a subconscious level, the child often harbors a grudge against the parent.
Some children explain the excessive attention and passive aggression on the part of the mothers with the overabundance of care that they want to provide for their own babies. In such situations, the "investigation" must be stopped, because the goal has been achieved. If the insult that is hidden in the bowels of the baby's soul is stronger than rational explanation, then it is necessary to proceed to the next stage of researching one's own feelings.
Why do we love our mothers?
In an attempt to justify the maternal aggression and regular physical punishment to which the young fidgeting was exposed, it is necessary to compile a voluminous list containing the reasons for a positive attitude towards my mother.The main parameters of "love" psychologists traditionally include the following aspects of gratitude:
- Gave life, bravely enduring a number of difficult and painful tests (pregnancy, childbirth).
- Fed milk, not letting the baby out of her hands.
- I learned to take the first steps.
- Acquainted with the unknown world, explaining the purpose of things.
- Lulled melodious lullabies, without departing for hours from a crib.
- She taught the basic concepts of "good" and "evil."
- Instilled a craving for knowledge and self-improvement.
- She brought up willpower in a child, allowing her to bring things started to a logical end.
- I helped to gain faith in my own strength.
- Advised in controversial situations, sharing invaluable life experience.
- She visualized the indestructible institution of the family, instilling love for relatives and respect for age.
- Developed in the child mercy, compassion and sympathy for the weaker people.
- She taught to get rid of negative thoughts, without holding inside insult and bitterness, which destroy the personal qualities of a person.
- Directing unbridled energy fidget in the right direction, helping to avoid unnecessary mistakes.
- Steadfastly accepted the tricks and mischief of the young researcher, which the mother presented every day with a new “surprise”.
- Supported in difficult situations, helping to find the strength inside to overcome the obstacles that have appeared.
- Caring for the baby during the illness, heroically coping with the whims and nurses of the offspring.
- Preparing for the child delicious and healthy food.
- Washed dirty things, stroked clean, helped to gather in kindergarten and school.
- Forgive deception, directing the child in the right direction.
- She felt the weakness and spiritual experiences of the offspring, cheering with a kind word and giving motherly love.
- Inspired to achieve the cherished goals that seemed only "dreams".
- I did my homework with the kid, explaining a complex topic from the curriculum.
- I gave the child free time, forgetting about personal interests, hobbies and hobbies.
- She was worried about a young researcher who faced with the next tricks of fate.
- I brought up in the offspring a love of style, taste and aesthetics.
- She gave the kid a positive role model, which from childhood was deposited on the subconscious.
- Rationally used in the upbringing method of "carrot" and "carrot"timely spoiling for children's victories and prudently punishing for pranks.
- She taught patience by developing perseverance in the little one.
- Acquainted with the church foundations and the bible, telling the story of the creation of the world.
- I accustomed to cleanliness and order, bringing up organization in the little one.
- Pleased with unexpected gifts and surprises, fulfilling the cherished wishes of the young dreamer.
- She shared with the offspring her own experience, warning against committing mistakes and rash acts.
- She defended the baby from cocky hooligans who tried to belittle or insult the child.
- She transferred her own culinary skills, taking care that the baby was always full.
- She has become an authority for a child whose opinion is respected and appreciated.
- She taught to rejoice at the new day and be happy contrary to the rules of the world.
- Helped cope with stress and depressive states, returning interest to life.
- Learned to appreciate and enjoy the views of the landscape attractions of the region.
- Raised in a child's love for the animal world.
- Demonstrated the ideal model of family relations on the example of their own marriage union.
- Nursed with her grandchildren, without questioning the authority of the blood mother.
- She shared her experience with the chosen one of her son or beloved daughter.
- Listened to the opinion of the child in controversial situations.
- Restrained the "word", fulfilling promises.
- Helped to get a job in life, paying for studying on a commercial basis and contributing to the job search.
- She accepted the weakness of the baby, who could remain herself in the walls of her parental home.
- She shared the joys of the child, not leaving in difficult situations.
- Became a scion of a faithful friend on whom you can rely.
- Made a real maternal feat, having raised from a restless kid a self-sufficient person.
Mother gave life, put on her feet, shared her experience and helped to achieve social well-being. Children, in whose lives such parameters are present, should be a priori grateful to the parent's home. However, in some cases, the child may confine a sincere “thank you”, not mentioning the words of love.
Why spoil the relationship between children and their mothers?
Child resentment is a powerful catalyst by which a child develops a worldview.It is almost impossible to change an accomplished person, but it is absolutely necessary to correct a certain mistake made by mom in the process of education. Growing offspring reduce relations with parents to "zero", if in youth they collided:
- Excessive custody of the mother, who is trying to reign supreme in the life of the child. Aware of the scale of the situation, children tend to move away from their parents' home as soon as possible, minimizing communication with their father and mother.
- Condemnation of actions and outlook of their own offspring, who can not count on the support of the closest person.
- Selfish parenting methodology chosen by parents. The child must conquer uncharted peaks in the sport, comprehend the basics of science or study music diligently. Adults try to realize in the image of the offspring of a dream, which they could not carry out independently.
- Unfair decisions, unjustified rudeness and harsh methods of punishment are common reasons because of which children do not want to see their own parents. A mother may misinterpret a child's behavior by using physical strength for educational purposes.Children's subconscious mind will remember such an action, forever holding a grudge.
- The lack of common interests and hobbies is a prerequisite for reducing the number of meetings of adult children with their parents. If you do not spend enough time with your baby in your youth doing common things, then such a development cannot be avoided.
- The result of improper upbringing, as a result of which the parents did not transfer the family values to the child. Grown up baby carries a relationship model to communicate with his mother and father. Lack of respect, authority, care and responsiveness is the sad outcome of the educational process.
The above examples are quite easy to fix. The main thing is to gain patience and the desire to restore a relationship with an offended child. The mother causes warm emotions in the child's mind, so the repentant parent can only wake them up in the depths of her offspring's consciousness.
In establishing mutual understanding and relations with mothers who have grown up children, it is recommended to seek the help of a psychologist who can build a constructive dialogue between the two sides.
Special cases: lack of love in the heart of children
Looking for the answer to the rhetorical question for most people, we should not forget about special cases of upbringing. Children a priori have no love for mothers who fall into one of the following categories:
- Forced pregnancy, not included in the plans of a young girl. In this situation, the grandmother and grandfather are engaged in raising the baby, and the newly-made mother tries to arrange a personal life. Thus, the child does not actually see his own parents, who appear at home very rarely.
- Predisposition to smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol and drugs. In such an environment, it is impossible to raise a healthy and mentally balanced child; therefore, children often flee from the family at a conscious age.
- The lack of desire of the mother to raise the baby is accompanied by contacting the guardianship authorities. Often the child is sent to an orphanage, where hired employees will take care of him.
- Regular assault by the stepfather, not suppressed by his own mother. No protection and support from a loved one - only betrayal and indifference.
- The mother is ashamed of her own child, claiming that the offspring is not capable of anything. Neglect of the baby becomes the cause of hate and resentment towards the mother in the children's consciousness. Over time, the desire to communicate with the grown up child does not appear.
The love of the mother is an abstract phenomenon, to which it is impossible to give a clear definition. The children's subconscious either worships the person who gave him life, or rejects parental attention, guided by personal reasons.
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