Quarrels in the family. How to build a relationship between husband and wife?
A priori, two people are involved in the creation of a family, which differ in their character and taste preferences, habits and upbringing. Exceptional cases of ideal compatibility of partners are possible, but this phenomenon is considered to be unique. In the process of living together with the spouses there are quarrels in the family. If in time not to solve the problems that have appeared, the divorce becomes the invariable result of regular conflicts.
The permanent advantage of the protracted quarrel becomes the duration of the conflict. Passions do not rage in the house, which means that spouses can think over words spoken in a fit of anger
Having learned to communicate constructively and find compromises in controversial situations, the partners eliminate the risk of separation due to disagreements. In order to improve relations between a husband and wife, it is not enough just to be together. Marriage is a labor-intensive "process", a kind of work that requires the constant participation of both spouses.
The causes of quarrels between spouses
Initially, partners need to find out the cause of conflicts that break the idyll in the house. The background to quarrels may vary:
- A selfish desire to change the habits and outlook of the spouse - the result is discontent and irritation of the chosen one.
- Unreasonable belief that one partner brings more into the union than it receives from the other.
- Excessive jealousy, smoothly flowing into paranoia.
- The presence of one of the elects of high self-esteem.
- The birth of the firstborn in the family, changing the range of feelings and emotions of both spouses.
- The lack of desire of one of the partners to bring up children.
- Lack of finance for the implementation of common goals and objectives.
- Constant dissatisfaction with the behavior of the chosen one.
- Sexual incompatibility of spouses (both physical and psychological).
- Manic desire to control partner’s actions outside the home.
- The onset of pregnancy, during which women are characterized by capriciousness and excessive nagging.
- Conflicts with relatives of the spouse interfering in the marriage.
- The difference of views on the maintenance of life.
- The absence of a constructive dialogue between a husband and wife in a relationship.
- Difficulties with the work of one of the partners, feeling insolvent and dependent on the spouse containing the family.
- Inadvisable setting priorities (the company of a loved one prefer a cheerful company of friends).
- Physical treason, which is the epilogue of conflict situations.
Trying to change the relationship in which one partner raises his hand to the other is useless. The situation will always be repeated.
The reasons given are characteristic of men and women - over time, in a marriage, the division of responsibilities is based on gender. If a rational distribution does not happen, the emergence of quarrels in an "empty place" can not be avoided.
What should be silent: taboo topics in conflict
During a quarrel, a person does not control words spoken in a fit of anger. Such phrases leave an indelible imprint on the soul of a spouse. In order not to hurt your second "half", you need to forget about the following expressions and manipulations:
- Ultimatums conflict situation can not be solved, therefore it is recommended to leave categorical expressions with oneself.
- Famous female manipulation, carried out through tears, helps to achieve an exceptionally temporary effect - this behavior invariably irritates the stronger sex.
- Quoting phrases, especially offensive to a partner who previously entrusted you with a secret secret.
- Negative comparison of the spouse with his close relatives is a guarantee of the aggravation of the initially innocuous situation.
- The vague wording of claims pronounced to the partner during the conflict.
- Regular offers to part or promises to leave are programming a chosen one for the possibility of such actions. The implementation of such manipulations after a certain period of time will seem real.
- Do not prejudice in the quarrels intellectual and anatomical features of the beloved. Having awakened a child's trauma in a chosen one, you can only guess about the consequences of what has been said.
- Do not program consciousness on the unconditional rightness in the current situation - in conflicts, both parties are always to blame.
- Do not curse your partner in a fit of anger - thoughts tend to materialize.
- Manipulations of a partner in a conflict on a state of health are prohibited “methods”,leaving a residue in the soul of the second "half".
- Do not prove your case with the threats of your own life. Chosen, worrying about your health, will take a guilty look and apologize, but the opinion will remain unchanged.
- To compare a lover in a quarrel with a former chosen one is a weighty reason not only for resentment, but also for parting.
The most valuable thing in conflicts between spouses is a moment of reconciliation, stretching all night.
The word - this is a powerful weapon, in dealing with which you need to be extremely accurate. The cause of many divorces registered in the territory of the Russian Federation is a misunderstanding between husband and wife, excessive rudeness in expressions and systematic insults that hurt one of the spouses for “living”.
Ways to improve family relationships: options for reconciliation
Finding a compromise and being able to apologize is a whole art that some people have to learn for a long time. To enjoy reconciliation, “melted” in the arms of a loved one, it is enough to follow simple rules:
- Men are encouraged to periodically delight the chosen one with a bouquet of flowers, providing an insignificant but pleasant sign of attention.
- Learn to thank each other for help and care.
- Do not make "quarrels out of the hut", because often "well-wishers" advise ways to solve the problem that has appeared, only aggravating the conflict.
- Protect your "half" in public, despite the correctness of its beliefs.
- Praise your partner for achieving your goals, inspire to conquer new peaks.
- Arrange unexpected surprises, romantic walks or arrange a dinner by candlelight, diluting the everyday routine.
- Be interested in each other's hobbies, trying not only to inquire, but to grasp the ideology of the hobby of the beloved.
- Learn to listen, sharing the experiences and frustrations of your chosen one.
- Support the partner’s desire to improve and develop by offering assistance.
- Control the impulses of jealousy, be rational about the signs of attention of friends and acquaintances, in the decency of which you are sure.
- Try to spend more time in joint activities.
- Learn to trust your partner.
- Make an effort, trying to communicate correctly and friendly with relatives and friends of your partner.
- Refrain from criticizing friends of your chosen one, so as not to provoke a conflict situation.
- Get a pet, jointly caring for a new family member.
- Do not insist on sexual intercourse, but seduce your partner by using the magic of fluids and flirting.
- Find compromises in controversial situations to avoid conflict on the "level ground".
- Learn to cope with financial difficulties together, supporting each other and tuning for a bright future.
- Express your claims in a constructive manner, arguing your opinion with already completed facts.
- Do not try to find a solution to a problem in an upset or irritated state — postpone the process of finding out indefinitely.
- Project the words you said during an argument on your own image to be aware of the scale of the pain.
- Learn to forgive small mistakes of a partner, showing understanding and demonstrating trust.
- Do not rush to make verdicts, think about the consequences.
- Periodically overestimate the importance of the chosen one in your life.
In certain situations it is more rational to listen to a partner who wants to part and not try to “reanimate” the relationship.
Participation in the life of a partner is the main rule of a happy family.In an alliance where harmony reigns and an atmosphere conducive to raising children, the spouses know absolutely everything about each other, trusting the chosen one the most confidential.
Special cases: solutions
Finding out the “success” formula for a husband and wife quarreling over trifles, you need to pay special attention to conflicting couples on special occasions:
Bearing a long-awaited child is a temporary state of a woman, so girls should not worry about the figure and attractiveness. Men "idolize" a wife who will become a mother, so they are ready to endure various vagaries. In such situations, the outcome of events directly depends on the girl. If you periodically "pull" yourself, not finding fault with her husband over trifles, then the period of pregnancy for a couple remains unnoticed.
- Birth of a child.
If problems in the family have arisen after the appearance of the first child, then the situation will be "saved" only by the process of co-education of the child. Men need to learn to care for the baby from the moment of birth, helping periodically to his wife in cleaning the house or preparing food - common goals bring the spouses closer. It is important that the wife correctly explained to her husband that a break in sexual life is temporary, suggesting alternative ways of solving the problem.No sex - this is not an option, consult a doctor, find the best option that suits you both. A woman should not be lamenting and scolding her husband for improper handling of a newborn child. Treat your spouse's embarrassment with understanding, smile and explain the nuances of the process.
People take a “pause” in the relationship, giving themselves time to reflect on the value of the union created. To restore the idyll and return to the family, it is recommended to periodically remind yourself of a partner who wants to leave. Signs of attention should be unobtrusive, pleasant and "accompanied" by a bit of nostalgia. If you leave a person alone with negative thoughts, then you can not count on a positive decision.
Thank the partner who decided to divorce due to regular conflicts in the family, for understanding and patience. Remember the happy moments that abound in the relationship of each couple. Apologize and leave your spouse alone with your own thoughts, taking up children or your own life. If a person lost interest in you, then nothing can stop the separation. In the opposite case, the partner will return to the family with a desire to establish a “leaky” boat of love.
- After 30 years of marriage.
In a relationship where spouses know everything about each other, harmony is much easier to achieve. To restore a favorable atmosphere in the house is quite constructive conversation of adults.
- Treason husband.
Returning a stronger-sex representative to the family after making a fatal "mistake" becomes possible if the man sincerely repents, asking for forgiveness, and the wife is ready to give one more chance. You can save relationships by learning about the reasons for the action and determining options for solving the problem. Without a constructive conversation, the situation will remain in limbo, becoming a time bomb.
- Cheating wife.
A hike left for a girl for a man is accompanied by a collapse of self-esteem. The guy is looking for reasons for financial and sexual insolvency. Women forgive men for treason extremely rarely, but occasionally there are exceptions to the rules. If a girl repents and realizes guilt, then the only way out of the situation is a long conversation in the office of a psychologist. Only the doctor will return the self-esteem to the man, advising the rules of behavior in such a situation.The stumbled wife is recommended to continuously please the chosen one, I believe in a favorable development of events.
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