People are prone to touchiness. Anything can serve as a reason for resentment, but if you think about it, the main problem is the discrepancy between people's behavior and our expectations. The conclusion suggests itself - the cause of the offense must be sought in yourself.
Offended person is not sweet. Resentment gnaws it from the inside, it becomes embarrassing and painful. A person accustomed to resenting others feels unhappy. To let insult into your heart and soul is easy, but to eradicate this feeling is not easy. Constant grievances lead to self-destruction and by no means improve relations with others. To resent extremely reckless, destructive and useless!
Why take offense useless?
Adults are offended in the same way as children. A person who feels offense is waiting for insight to descend on the offender and he will come to repent and give him all sorts of honors. Resentment is the passive state of the victim of injustice, and passivity and detachment cannot change the situation.
If the offense reaches the final stage, the victim is not just waiting for an apology, but trying in every way to humiliate and take revenge on the offender.In the end, with such thoughts, the victim drives himself even more into a state of universal resentment, and his expectations of the offender at the same time reach fantastic heights. But you should not flatter yourself. At the most, what a supporter of such behavior expects is pity, and in a particularly neglected situation there is ridicule and irritation.
To be offended is not only useless, but also harmful. With infinite insults, a person finally spoils relations with others, the situation is not clarified, but only aggravated. Not only will you not return the old relationships, but the sacrifice doesn’t get any happier, which means that you’re offended - it’s a useless exercise from all sides.
Offense is a perverted way of manipulating people. A touchy person by and large waits on others for love and attention. The tool to get what you want is an intentional insult. Adults, being offended, do not consider themselves to be manipulators, whereas children, being more cunning, fully realize that you can only get what you want. The habit of being offended is developed over the years and it is difficult for adults to stop, they act automatically.
Resentment does not make happier neither the victim nor the offender.The futility of this behavior is obvious.
The fact that it is useless to be offended and does not lead to anything positive is an indisputable fact. How to develop an immunity to the insults and stop being offended on every occasion? Let's try to figure it out.
Immunity to grievances: a myth or not?
Probably, you have met in the lives of people whom it would seem impossible to offend. They do not react to sharp notes, unpleasant jokes, insults and other’s inappropriate behavior. People indifferent to insults, cause admiration and respect. Some are jealous of them and dream of having the same immunity to offenses. The question arises: is it an innate ability or a consequence of psychological work on one’s own character?
It is possible that someone is born with indifference to attempts to hurt them, but more often such an attitude towards the world around us is the result of painstaking work on character. If you realize that it is useless to be offended and this feeling destroys everything in its path, then you are already close to the opportunity to enjoy life, freed from resentment.
To develop immunity to insults - doable task. Start by recognizing that hurt is a false way to get rid of injustice.Your torment will not solve the problem, will not lead to a radical change in the situation, will not make self-sacrifice the determining factor in improving relations. No miraculous changes will happen. Offended, you continue to struggle with what is already in the past. It is impossible to win in this way, if only because there is no logic in the struggle against the past.
Offense is the fight against windmills. You cannot win a duel that has already been completed in the past.
Being offended, you direct negative energy only to your own physical and psychological state. Resentment is always the result of defeat, she spends strength and prevents love of life and the world. Being offended, you move backwards, whereas it makes sense to overcome this emotion and learn to control it to move forward.
How to get rid of useless feelings of insult?
Expelling the insult is not as easy as it seems at first glance. Resentment is the result of a discrepancy in expectations. They wanted to get praise, and you were ignored. They counted on help, but were refused and indifference. They expected support, and people expressed disapproval.
What is the nature of the expectations? Often, people believe that others should.The child should help mom and dad, young people - to give the elderly a place in transport, the husband should have a wife in his arms, and friends - to support. All right, but people are different. What goes without saying for one is by no means the ultimate truth for another. We are not in our power to change those around us, but we are able to change our attitude to the situation.
So, ways to eliminate useless resentment:
- Remember one is not a truism: no one owes nothing to anyone! Reproduce the memory of the situation that offended you, only take into account the fact that the abuser was in no way obliged to you. Well, no longer offends?
- Do not dramatize! People often make "out of the molehill", give the situation the wrong emotional color. In fact, it is not the situation itself that offends, but the thoughts of a person about this. Suppose the boss raised his voice to the subordinate for all. What does the subordinate think? "He offended me with colleagues, what he has the right to do it!" And if you think about it and throw aside emotions, nothing serious has happened. The boss simply spoke loudly when colleagues were nearby. And remember, he does not owe anything to anyone, and is not obliged to speak more quietly.Being a brute is his choice. Offended or not - yours.
- Create a virtual translator. This voice in your head is needed to translate from boorish to polite language. Let's say someone in the transport threw you: "He's prying like an elephant!". Translated into a polite language, it would have sounded like “sorry, but it's still my leg, you touched her and it hurt me.” What is there to be offended?
- Learn to respond to criticism. Remember, the remarks are not made only by those who do not represent themselves and do nothing. Critical remarks and taunts are a sign that you are moving forward and have achieved something. The more successful you are, the more impartial you will hear. It is useless to be offended, better feel pride for yourself!
- Represent offenders as children. The person who released the barbarian at your address draws attention to him or wants to cause anger. Would a child be offended? You are an adult and understand that such attempts are ridiculous.
- In an insulting situation, think, and whether it will be important in five years? Much you can remember the old grievances? If the answer is no, then it is useless and it makes no sense to be offended now.
- Before you get offended, think about what you are doing and what result you are waiting for. From the transferred experiences the problem will be solved? Most likely, the insult for you is a tool for manipulation and will not lead to anything positive.
Increasing your own level of spirituality is another effective method for getting rid of offenses. Release the senses into the foreground, extinguish disturbing emotions. Accept the virtues of loved ones and do not emphasize their shortcomings. Respect the opinions of others and accept discrepancies with your point of view, as a self-evident circumstance. The contradictory opinions do not mean that yours is correct. It is often useful to listen to the point of view of others, and not to reject it only because it does not coincide with your vision of the situation.
Offended, we only make things worse for ourselves. Constant touchiness companions - depression, depression and irritability.
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