How can you build a relationship with your daughter?
How wonderful when our children are very young! Tiny and defenseless, they require our care and attention, the relationship between mother and very young daughter develop naturally, simply and without any problems.
A child at a tender age still fully trusts and relies on the authority of his elders; it does not even occur to him that there can be something else. But the years are running, and the first conflicts on the face: mothers are surprised, because their daughter is still quite a child, and it is not easy to cope with it now, what will happen next?
In fact, the conflicts between the daughter and the mother are quite common in the life of an ordinary family, sometimes it may even seem that the relationship is ruined forever and no longer return the former tenderness and love, however, do not despair in advance.
Many mothers are interested in how to improve relations with their daughter? Special difficulties arise with adult girls and teenagers, but even to cope with them is quite real, the main thing is patience and desire.If it seems to you that you have been talking “in different languages” for a long time, then first of all look inside yourself, think about what you, as a senior and more experienced person, are doing wrong. The behavior of girls can vary greatly depending on age, and the first problems can already arise in the period from 9 to 12 years.
Age from 9 to 12 years
Your daughter is still a child, however, sometimes she already has very childish thoughts and arguments, now it is important for her to understand that it is her mother who is the closest and closest person who will always understand and support in any situation.
If you do not want to “lose” your daughter in the future, then right now it is important to build the right and trusting relationship: take an interest in the life of your child, always find time to talk and discuss events from the life of your daughter.
You may not always want to hear about some “Katka from 5-A” or “Vaska who brought a lizard to school”, but it is important to understand that right now your daughter is learning to communicate with her mother, to trust her everything that happens. in her life at the moment.
Age from 12 to 16 years
This period is considered the most difficult, unpredictable and difficult, it is also called “transitional”.It is his many mothers who are waiting with great concern, because it is at this time that the most difficult problems arise, which, if not solved now, can become a serious gulf between mother and daughter forever.
The girl has a really difficult age: hormonal surges overcome her, the psycho-emotional state becomes restless, the body changes and becomes a stranger, there is interest in the opposite sex, with which it is not yet clear what to do.
A teenage girl during this period raises many questions that she can feel free to ask her mother, she has her own secrets to which she does not want to devote anyone. It is much easier to survive this moment, if a mother from an early age managed to build a trusting relationship with her daughter, but if this did not happen, then it is never too late to start.
Try to be as much interested in the interests of your daughter, as in childhood, praise her for every success and support in case of failure. Try to be aware of her favorite movies, books, listen to her favorite music with your daughter and celebrate the songs that you liked. Believe me, it is from such trifles that trust and desire to communicate is built.
Have patience and understanding. Remember that now your girl is most vulnerable, she has her own views, opinions and weaknesses that need to be taken and put into account. Stop being a strict mentor, try to gradually build communication "on an equal footing", within reasonable limits, of course, listen to your child with attention and try to discuss all problems in a relaxed manner.
Remember, the girl should have her own space, not all mothers need to climb, with time, having felt the confidence in you, the child will reveal all the secrets.
How to build a relationship with an adult daughter?
And how to improve relationships, if the daughter has become very adult? Maybe she went to university and went to another city, and maybe she already got her own family? You began to feel that your child is moving away from you, you lose control and feel unnecessary?
In fact, everything is logical: it's time to understand that your “baby” has become an adult, independent (almost) and reasonable woman. She, like you, prepares delicious dinners for her beloved husband, keeps the house clean, works and, perhaps, is already raising her child.It may seem that mom is no longer needed here, but it is not so! Moms are always needed.
The main reason for the collapse of the relationship between mother and adult daughter is the desire of the first to fully control the life of the second. She, as before, tries to completely subordinate the daughter to herself, giving her a constant share of remarks and morals, how to run the household, how to raise her husband and children, and so on.
Most likely, sometime the moment will come, and the adult daughter will simply stop “letting” the mother into her life and will be right. The second variant of events is also possible - the mother will be so strong-willed that she will simply crush her daughter’s happiness with her own hands, and she will return to her parents, even if without her husband and without happiness.
At this stage, in order to avoid any sad scenarios, you need to become a friend for your daughter, a wise mentor, but who is not trying to impose her opinion. Mom can always give some advice on the housework, raising children or in other areas, but at the same time, they should not be intrusive, but rather benevolent and voluntary.
As before, a mother should support and console her beloved daughter in moments of difficulties, and also be able to sincerely rejoice in a period of success and joy.And, most importantly, remember, all that you could have - you have already done, now your main mission is to be caring and loving rear, which, if necessary, will always come to the rescue.
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